Eyes in the dark. The hunter. The prey. A girl with an orange scarf runs through the forest, trying to escape a host of incredibly cool ninjas drawn in old-style animation. Against the violet sky, shuriken fly. We get some Samurai Jack-level cutting and striking visuals in 3:4 resolution. Traditional Japanese music accompanies the chase. Cue the opening, which shatters the bubble: the animation is going to be modern after all, and cutesy at that. Well, okay. Some glitter, rainbows, and big-eyed girls of all shapes and sizes. Konoha, the titular assassin with glasses, is bored in class, so she decides to go home. On the way back, she kicks what she believes is the corpse of Sakoto, our purple/orange ninja, who is very much alive. She is starving, though. After some convincing, Konoha takes her to get some food (she eats first, mind you), and Sakoto’s past in a hidden ninja village is explored. In a nutshell, she is easily distracted, so she inadvertently ran away. Now, another ninja (who, of course, is another young girl) is taking care of all the loose ends and attacks Sakoto, but Konoha murders her all of a sudden. Blood everywhere. Her apprentice, who looks like a small girl, attacks them next with a scythe united to a chain (a kusarigama) and ends up in a pool of blood. Good grief.

The opening minutes had me convinced that this show was going to be one of my favorites this season, but alas, it was quick to disappoint. The epic gave way to the sparkly, with quite a lot of unwarranted bleakness intertwined. This anime has the most dissonant tone I have ever seen. I loved Sakamoto Days, and I have no problems with assassin comedies. Nevertheless, they need to have a heart: these characters look like kids, so seeing them sprayed with each other’s blood is quite jarring. It’s not super graphic, and I get that the contrast is intentional and intended to be comedic. The thing is, you can give me flippant music and move on, but a young girl whose quirks and mannerisms I have briefly seen just died on-screen. The show makes a point of Sakoto not feeling anything about the death of her senpai: “I cannot recall any good memories with her.” There is something about this world that feels childish, incomplete. In some weird way, it reminds me of Gaslight, the 1944 black-and-white movie that originated the expression “gaslighting”: an impossibly naive kid who sees unicorns and rainbows becoming the servant of a cold-blooded psychopath. I want my tragedies black, no sugar, no cream. So, no thanks.

A Ninja and an Assassin Under One Roof can be streamed on Crunchyroll.