Time, they say, is money; but one can recover lost money. I have lost twenty-four minutes of my life that I can never get back. Mistakes were made. And the worst part is, I could have stopped at any moment. I did this to myself. Voluntarily.
And since misery loves company, I invite you to join me in this acid trip down the rabbit hole. Let the Schadenfreude begin!
What shall I talk about? The plot? I confess, I am still not sure of the relationship between the different scenes. Oh, I gather that some idol group franchise is in debt and needs to perform to survive, but to figure out something this basic I had to read between the lines. And that actually doesn’t account for all of the scenes. Here’s a little bit of my internal monologue as I watched:
“Hey, this looks different! Let’s check it out. That dude… just sprouted butterfly wings. Three guys dancing and singing… or are they skating? Ew, look at that hideous CGl! – Wait, now we’re being introduced to a bazillion characters! Who’s doing the narration: a character, or a separate narrator? Woah, that’s way too much text on the screen at once! I can’t read all of it, hope it’s not important! … Wait, now there’s a bunch of dudes trying to seduce girls in their apartments? I think? How come whenever the girls speak, we can’t actually hear than voices and instead get pink text on the screen? Is this show actually based on a VN, with the girls representing dialog choices the player can make? … Oh, now there’s a lot of people… in a lot of places… saying a lot of things without saying anything… Wait, why are they all getting in and out of the hot springs, over and over? I thought this was an idol show!”
If that all didn’t make any sense to you… Congratulations! You’re way ahead of where I was!
How about characters? Well, I think at least two dozen main characters were introduced by an auctioneer (ok, so he just sounded like an auctioneer). I don’t remember any names. There were: the guy with long red hair, the guy with short green hair, several guys with short violet hair (probably created around the time when the anime’s writers were running out of colors and realized they’d have to double-up), the manager with long yellow hair, and a slough of guys I can’t remember. And a dozen girls who are supposed to be famous and beloved who have all the character of soggy potato chips–and yet for some reason at least one of them is supposed to be a love interest. And some other guys with black hair, who I’m almost sure would be the villains if there was a plot.
It’s like when they were brainstorming, they got a list of ideas down on the whiteboard and, instead of refining the best suggestion, they glued together all the others. And slapped in some cliches for good measure.
The singing is meh. The graphics are ew. The dialogue is Augh, make it stop! For the love of God, make it stop! My brain desires sepuku!
If this sounds like your idea of pleasure, you’ve come to the right place!
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