Each girl is born to meet her own destined one.
What a magical, romantic, arrogant idea.
On this third and final day of my mini-series on dating, I want to explore the idea of waiting for your prince (or princess) to come.
These opening lines from Itazura Na Kiss wouldn’t normally be equated with pride and admittedly, I wouldn’t always do so. And certainly when Kotoko utters them, she’s isn’t trying to be prideful. But there is a conceit often contained within this idea of being “destined” to be with someone – not because of the idea itself, but because of the connotation that the destined one is usually a person that meets a set of expectations.
For many of us, boys as well as girls, we have a subconscious checklist of things we’d like to see in our partner, with items like good looks, intelligence, and a fun personality. Some girls I’ve known (and Christian girls might be more guilty of this than others under the guise of “godly man,” “Christlike leader,” etc.) have an actual list. Christians girls might be more guilty of this than others, with a mental or physical checklist of items like “godly man” and “Christlike leader” (Hey Christian Girl is a great Tumblr satirizing some of these ideas).
Unfortunately, this wish list starts to represent what we feel we deserve. It’s what we measure would-be dating material against: Is she pretty enough? Is he muscular enough? Is she smart enough? Is he funny enough?
There’s obviously a measure of hypocrisy there, because we’re likely to expect more out of that special someone than out of ourselves.
The majority of the friends I made in high school and college aren’t even dating, much less married, though most are looking to settle down (or have been for quite some time). It’s true that’s “it’s hard out there.” Unfortunately, for many, the problem is this: they expect too much out of their partners.
A relationship isn’t a beautiful alabaster jar on your shelf – instead, it’s the process in forming that jar, from the ugly beginnings through the cutting and burning. The finished jar isn’t presented until “death do us part,” after years of refining a marriage.
Don’t expect the jar right from the beginning. After all, you’re just a screw-up – like me, like your friends, like all of us are. So what better place to start than this – two screwed up people trying to grow together to make something beautiful.
Other Entries in This Series:
- Atypical Dating, Day 1: Women Who Can’t Cook and Reversing Expectations
- Atypical Dating, Day 2: Kimi ni Todoke and the Myth of Chemistry