Kokoro Connect 06: Wanting What We Desire
Taking the viewpoint I do in writing for this blog often leads me to view shows from a unique angle. In Kokoro Connect, I’ve realized that I’m largely watching the series not from either Taichi’s or Nagase’s eyes, but from Inaba’s. It is she that I most relate to, and it is she that I think is going to take the most powerful and maybe redemptive journey.
Episode six brought a new twist to the series. Though less fun (for the viewers) than the first twist, Heartseed’s new game is probably more difficult for the five friends and certainly more painful. He subconsciously pushes them to act on their hearts’ desires.
It’s a real good thing we don’t have this problem. Even though Nagase seems to be embracing it, to an extent, the rest of us might be like the others, fearing the repercussions of lacking self-control. For me, I’m pretty sure I’d be in jail for one of litany of offenses within the day of Heartseed doing his deed within my heart.
And isn’t that funny? When I came to Christ, my acceptance of Him as Lord was like saying, “YOU, God, are my heart’s desire”:
This is my desire, to honor you
LORD, with all my heart I worship You
All that is within me, I give you praise
All that I adore Is in You
But…He isn’t all I desire. Far from it. At certain times, Jesus is at whole of my heart and mind; and at others, He is far from it, as rage, envy, lust, and other desires compete for (and dominate) my attention.
It’s enough to make a Christian go mad. At the least, it might make one feel guilty, and many have left the faith after being unable to reconcile the desires they are supposed to have and those they actually do. Even the apostle Paul, on many occasions, mentioned his struggle with the flesh.
Of course, that’s where grace comes in. That’s where it must come in. Without grace, we are left as Pharisees and unable to ever live up to a holy standard.
But a funny thing happens along the way as well. It’s not just grace that saves us – it’s also grace that fuels us. Because in remembering the Gospel – in thinking in wonder upon what grace actually means, we grow in our desire for God. We need grace to be lifted out of a losing legalism and we need grace to love God.
But it’s easy to forget this and to fall into a habit of living outside of God’s love. And when that happens, we are troubled with that dichotomy between what we want to desire and what we sometimes truly do.
Judging from the preview for next week’s show (and the title for it), Inaba will be dealing with the friction between these two ideas. I’m looking forward to seeing the path she’ll be taking – and I hope it will be one that leads to her to grace and understanding, because it’s the same sojourn I’m on, and it’s good to have a companion – real or otherwise.