Historia is my favorite girl in Attack on Titan, but even so, I can’t exactly defend everything she does. Her full crazy is on display in episode 44, though that’s not exactly fair to say. As Kenny infers, Historia is kind of all over the place because her dad is a real piece of work. He ignores her for most of her life, has her mom killed in front of her, and then just uses her when he needs to, without consideration for what’s best for Historia.
But still…she seems awfully okay with eating Eren at words of a man who might just be lying about everything. If you haven’t caught up (spoilers ahead), the scenario is that Historia’s father, Rod Reiss, wants to turn his daughter into a titan through an injection (similar or the same as the one Eren was once given), have her eat Eren, and take back the titan power from him into the Reiss family. As monarchs, apparently, she will then know the complete history that has been erased from the minds of most others.
What is it that ultimately causes Historia to reject Rod’s words, when just moments prior she was hanging on them? She hears Kenny’s proclamations, and they make some sense. She thinks of Eren’s kindness, and appreciates that. But she’s still gonna eat him until she remembers that Ymir was the first person to really see her, to understand Historia’s nature, to know that she isn’t good or pure or innocent. Inside, she’s pretty wicked.
I wonder if Ymir knew the impact her words would have on Historia. I think she did. Ymir was usually loose with her words and anything but serious—so when she said something meaningful to Historia, I imagine it was with intent. She wanted them to mean something to Historia, and they did. Her words made all the difference.
Today, I was speaking with a family friend who is going through a hard time, but I was distracted—by chores, family, and anime (a season two rewatch of Working! to be precise). I was texting words of advice, and I don’t know if my head was all there. It may not have mattered, but then again, it may have, so I got away for a bit and gave some more thoughtful responses.
Our words have the ability to move others—sometimes when we intend them to do, but many times when we aren’t thinking they will (or when we aren’t thinking at all). I would recommend we watch our words, but for me at least, that’s not the problem. At the end of the day, it’s not an issue with my mouth.
Ymir loves Historia, so her actions and words convey that which she feels. I want to do the same, and while it ends with my lips (or the letters I type with my fingers), it begins somewhere deeper. It begins with what I think, what I consume, what I spend my time on. It begins with what I invest my resources in. It begins with what is meaningful to me.
Just as with Ymir, I may connect with my words, but it all begins in one place. It begins with my heart.