Cross Game of Love, Part II: Letting Go

Aobo Tsukishima clover
Artist: Pixiv Member 7572465

Cross Game is an anime that is suprisingly mature and very subtle in its depictions of romantice love.  On Tuesday’s post, I posited that people should stop playing games in love and that it’s important to be honest in what one expects from a relationship.  Today, we’ll finish off with a couple more topics related to the anime.

How Can I Help You Say Goodbye?
Wataba is a figure that somewhat haunts Ko and Aoba.  For them, though, it’s welcome – they don’t want to let her go, and in a variety of ways, they shouldn’t.  But the specter of Wakaba keeps Aoba from admitting her feelings, as demonstrated in the younger sister’s memories of the older saying that even if Ko pitches 160 kmph, she still can’t have him.  Both Aoba and Ko need to let Wakaba go, understanding that she would want to the two to be together.

We should also let go – in our less dramatic lives, we need to release former relationships.  It’s really romantic to think that we take those relationships with us wherever we go and whoever we’re with.  As Mariah Carey sings, those people will “always be a part of” us.  It really is romantic.  The idea reminds me of that scene in Love Actually where the best friend of the guy shows his unrequited love for Keira Knightley in silent, beautiful fashion.

You know what?  I hated that scene.

That guy was incredibly selfish.  Instead of keeping his love to himself, he has to tell her – would she have been harmed if he didn’t?  Nope – she would’ve never known.  Now, a unrequired love of her known might be spring forth.  In real life, you can’t just leave things like that – the guy walking away and deciding that’s all he needed to do – YEAH RIGHT.  Going to such great lengths and then forgetting about it – not realistic.  And what of his best friend?  It’s more important to fulfill your need to tell someone of your love than to respect your best friend?  And don’t get me started on that kiss – it was not romantic; it was cheating.

/rant

My point is this.  Past loves need to be forgotten, inasmuch as we can, for the sake of the current one we love.   This is easier said than done, because we give a piece of our heart to everyone we love, and the deeper the love is, the harder it is to reclaim that piece.  I’m going to extrapolate my idea to make it more hardline and extremely unpopular – I don’t believe in dating.

There, I said it.

Now, to clarify.  I support courtship instead of dating.  Courtship is dating with the intent of marriage in mind.  You go into courting not thinking that this person will be your future husband or wife, but that they might be.  And when you realize otherwise, you end the relationship.  It’s a stuffy-sounding word, but that doesn’t mean the idea is.  For instance, Ko and Aoba, I believe, will technically court – they’re not in it for fun, they’re in it for “true love.”

On a side note, this doesn’t mean I don’t think dating works.  It can and does.  But I don’t prefer it.  Also, courtship isn’t necessarily connected to Christian dating standards.  For instance, Pastor Tommy Nelson supports the idea of dating to get to know what you want out of a partner. But in the end, I believe the more we date for fun, the more we give our heart out.  Our hearts should be reserved for the one, not for thirty people plus the one.  As 02:24&version=NIV">Genesis 2:24 ways, “ man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”  One.

The other side of the coin, the more attractive, polished side is that one is overcautious if he or she approaches relationships in the way I prescribe.  You only live life once, after all.  I would say, though, that the feelings of love and security with the one you’ll spend the rest of your life with will outweigh the emotional highs one gets from temporary lovers.

Ko KitamuraRed String of Fate
Ah, the romantic red string of fate.  This Chinese/Japanese idea shows up time and time again in anime.  The idea is roughly equivalent to the idea of soul mates – a red string connects two people who are “meant to be.”  In terms of Cross Game, Akaishi mentions the red string of fate in relation to Ko and Akane, because of her similarities to Wataba.

The idea is wonderfully romantic (I get googly when hearing Rie Fu singing in the Bleach first ED as Rukia holds her own red string).  But what of fate?  What of soul mates?

I don’t have much of a theory here.  Destiny and free will intermingle in a Christian perspective, and for me, I can’t wrap my head around the work of God in me finding my wife, and whether or not we’d have found other “soul mates” if we made an error and broke up.

Of course, in the course of the anime (and manga), the red string of fate wasn’t connected between Akane and Ko, or in some tangled pattern involving Wakaba.  The string connected Ko and Aoba, in a relationship as seemingly fated as any.

My questions are to you, though.  Do you believe in soul mates, or in the red string of fate?  Are you meant to find Mr. or Mrs. Right?  Are you meant to be alone?

And going back to earlier in this post, what do you think of my ideas of dating?  What do you believe in?  How have your past relationships affected your current ones?

TWWK

Husband. Dad. Occasionally Korean. Enjoys Star Wars, ASOIAF, and Meg Ryan movies. Tweets before proofreading. Ghibli. Oregairuuuuu. Jesus is King.

5 thoughts on “Cross Game of Love, Part II: Letting Go

    1. Of course it is! That’s what I have in my post. I didn’t, uh, go back and edit at all. Nope, sure didn’t. -_-‘

  1. Better go back and get the other mention of “Wataba” in the second paragraph, then, so that it matches the other one(s) that you didn’t edit. 😀

    To your point, regarding “dating” vs. “courtship,” I probably have little right to comment (not that this will stop me) since I consider myself to be a “confirmed bachelor.” (Like Henry Higgins of “My Fair Lady” called himself.) I believe that marriage and family are the right thing for by far the majority of people, and at the moment I believe myself to fall in the minority category.

    That said, I see little difference between the two, except for a matter of semantics. I think I understand why the “courtship crowd” uses that term, seeing the probably needless heartbreak suffered by some Christians who “date.” And yet I have also seen harm unintentionally inflicted on male friends of mine who, because of what a certain segment of the “courtship crowd” told them, believed that since they confessed feelings for a certain girl, now they had to get married no matter what.

    Certainly the latter error doesn’t disprove what the “courtship crowd” are saying, and probably many mistakes made in the process of finding a mate (whatever we call the process) can be chalked up to either immaturity or it being the “wrong person.” That being said, my current position (which could be completely wrong, and anyway, as I said, what would I know) is that I am less concerned what two people who are spending time together while considering the possibility of marriage down the road *call* what it is they are doing. I care more how they behave toward one another while doing so, and toward their other friends, and toward themselves, and (most of all) toward God.

    1. All good points. However, I don’t think it’s merely a matter of semantics. I didn’t go into a whole lot of detail regarding courtship in this post, but it’s quite different from dating, as that word is typically used in America today.

      I’m sorry that your friends have been put in that situation…but it sounds like the “courtship crowd” you mention has a very different view from my own. Confessing to a girl is not equivalent in any way to a marriage contract. In fact, I could easily see that as the beginning of a courtship. But the whole point of this type of relationship is to discover is if this couple is going to married. It’s through this serious relationship that one determines, either yes or no, whether the other person will be his/her spouse.

      But I definitely agree with your last line, and like I mentioned, I don’t think dating is “wrong.” Date…court…whatever…in a Christian relationship, what’s most important is that the couple loves God, and loves others.

      1. Fair enough, and I suspect any disagreements I may still seem to have are mainly due to ignorance on my part, and possibly also … semantics. 🙂

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